As a burgeoning NBA diehard, I feel obligated to comment on these upcoming playoffs. But first, a word about my methodology. I’ve watched only one full game this year: 81. I downloaded it on bittorrent. My entire knowledge set is based on video highlights I’ve watched nightly on a propaganda machine called NBA TV Broadband. I’ve honestly never enjoyed sports entertainment more than I have this past couple months. The highlights are generally two minutes long and they have them for every game. And at the end of the night, they have a top ten video. I follow every team. Since it’s an NBA production, every single game is great and all people involved in the games are winners. What fun! This method is superior.
I never much liked the Nets. Then Kristic came around. I felt a little better about them. Their beans are of a good consistency. That’s important. There are only two other possible alternatives. Both bad. The consistency of their beans could be similar to a bowl of soupy beans. Or else the consistency of their beans could be similar to a brick made of dried beans. It doesn’t matter though. Forget I said that. The thing is, teams that have all this shit swirling around them always end up falling apart in the end, except for sometimes. This time, it’s the Indiana Pacers. It’s Jermaine O’Neal. It’ll make no sense and they’ll blow the team up anyway. I love when that happens. Pacers in 6.
Monsters always win. Plus the Bulls have the most MySpace pages of any team. That’s a meaningful datapoint. MySpace people always lose. Datapoints always lose. Just yesterday, I typed that word into Microsoft Word. Green sqiuggly lines. It was necessary to destroy my computer. That virus spreads incredibly fast. And then what? Well you have a computer with a virus throwing bad DNA into the gene pool. Can you mix those two? Also, Dwayne’s destiny is one step closer to being fulfilled. I’ll expand on this premise in round two. Heat in 5.
Agent Zero is going to defeat his competition in whatever competitive activity is undertaken. It’ll probably be basketball. That reminds me, I often get emotionally invested in professional athletes. It mars my judgement to the extent that if I were a gambling man, I would place a lot of money on the organization that my emotional investment represents. I also decide that it’s a good idea to climb up tall trees. When you get to the top, you can stand up and get into the clouds. It’ll take you to the stars. Speaking of which, I wanna fear LeBron. I really do. I’ve watched him. The man is insane. I think I’ll have to withhold my fear for now. Ultimately, it’s for the best. And I always do what’s best for you. Wizards in 7.
The Pistons worry me a bit. If there’s anyone who can change destiny, it’s the Pistons. You know what the fuck you gotta be to change destiny? God motherfucker. The Pistons are God. Isn’t that insane? A basketball team is God. As God, they determine if Dwayne Wade gets to live out his destiny. That’s a pretty bad ass power. Also as God, they’ll decide if George W. Bush is allowed to drop the bomb on Iran. Please God, don’t let it happen. Actually though, they’re just basketball gods. I was pulling your chain. NOW! Bow down and worship Inflatable Ben. It is your only hope for survival. I just hope Andrew Bogut continues to show that he is the baddest ass white dunker ever from another planet. If he isn’t from another planet, he should be, just to mix things up a little. Doesn’t even need acid. Pistons in 4.
West tomorrow. Now, MP3s. (these are for Brenda. I tried to send them to you, but your email is not working).
Final Fantasy – He Poos Clouds [MP3]
Lavender Diamond – Rise in the Springtime [MP3]
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